If I am not writing sth new, will you leave me?

Please don't leave me.
I am a pathetic little chic that needs anybody.

 

some little ups and downs
little fights that end little but start big
getting back a not-pretty-well-written-but-who-cares essay
starting another bloody essay
a pair of really torn Converse, muddy too

Somehow I just can't really introspect into my inner SELF
I mean that real inner bit of me.
So bloody

 

In fact I am having a good time.
I can't complain with anything.
Yes
I mean things have been more than fine for me.

Yet I totally understand the state of being HAPPY and UNHAPPY at the same time.
It's not that I'm noisy or something.
I am not complaining anything
I just can't help feeling a bit lost and pathetic and not-happy (maybe not the same as unhappy)

 

Come on
I know I am happy
I guess I just need some sense of "engaging-in-something-seriously-ness"

 

其實個篇文我真係無俾心機寫可能係臨飛前趕到死又或者唔夠時間但係問心個句我唔想到呢一刻都仲要承認其實我真係唔多into呢個course我時時覺得如果我夠鐘意一樣野無論幾難我都會出盡力希望做好佢如果出黎成績唔好我會唔開心然後會好想知自己衰乜但係今次篇文我成績ok但係我完全無乜感覺好似份野又唔係我寫個分又唔關我事咁我知係好大獲就係黎到今日都仲係咁諗或者每況愈下左我唔想多諗俾左咁多錢黎我死都要死掂佢就係呢種諗法令我更加懷疑一切其實我真係好想做好我而家做緊既野我要發奮唔可以死牛一面頸因為我無藉口

 

I have to do something.

 

These days I have watched/listened/read:

Perfume: the story of a murderer/ Borat/ Stranger than Fiction
Sparklehorse/ Maximilian Hecker/ Madeleine Peyroux/ Nina Simone
Middlesex/ Couplehood (!)/ Edgar Allan Poe Selected Tales/ High Fidelity

And after watching the movie
I really want to read the original novel of Perfume by Patrick Sueskind.
(and you know what, the translation of his name in Taiwan is so COOL, it made me believed that it's a Chinese, yeah, 徐四金)

for me the story is the kind of story that's better to be in words than in imagery
I just can't help falling with love with the idea that one can capture human scent
and in particular the scent of "INNOCENCE"

Yet when it's a real thing to happen in life
there is nothing but cruelty and psychotic wittiness in it.
Just another FUSS to make about genius-ness and perfection and stuff.

God.
I know I am turning into a big-nosy-morality-trash-talking girl.

 

And I really love Sparklehorse these days.
I love their name.
I love their songs.
I love them.

 

And I don't know whether HK is going to show Borat or what
But please go online and check for it.
It's a real mockumentary that will laugh your heart out!!!!
I can't stop laughing and swearing (in Cantonese! Magical power!)!

 

La la la la la la la Life is wonderful
There's no end in what I'm saying.